as you get older, you realize that you’re not always right and there’s so many things you could’ve handled better, so many situations where you could’ve been kinder and all you can really do is forgive yourself and let your mistakes make you a better person.
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I’m mad at myself for not letting myself love you as much as I could’ve in the time we had. I get so afraid when I start to feel too much for people. I get scared that they’re going to leave or something will go wrong, so I put my walls up. I spent so much time letting you break down those walls instead of just letting myself love you. You want so badly to protect yourself, but sometimes love is worth the risk.
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dec. 29. 2018.
i want you. and im sorry for not showing you that i do but alyssa i want you so bad… im sorry for not giving you the time and commitment and effort that you deserved from me. i let my insecurities and ego destroy the foundations needed for our second chance and im forever sorry. everyone’s telling me to move on and to start healing so i can prepare for better things in life, but i can’t imagine my life any better without you in it. it’s so hard thinking of moving on and growing with any other person besides you. you were my best friend that knew everything about me. and i was your best friend who knew everything about you. we compliment each other in ways neither of us knew was possible. but along with that, we destroyed each other in ways we didnt mean to do. and for where we are now, we don’t have anything figured out. we have so much to work on… but i want to work on that with you. i want you and everything about you. you were never broken in my eyes and im sorry if for the times when i said i wanted to fix you. i shouldn’t have done that. what i shouldve said was that i loved you and your entirety. i know that when we do figure out our rhythm and foundations, it will last longer than this lifetime. it’’ll be something that lasts forever. at the end of the day, you are the one person who i want to be with. and it’s because i love you.
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